Have Gun, Will Sell

After getting in an accident with the truck, Fred thinks that he might have whiplash and Fred's friend Bubba convinces him that he can make big money off of the situation. Lamont is against the whole idea but Fred insists on going through with a lawsuit, but first Fred must identify the person the hit him.

Fred's cousin arrives with his new wife and his not-so-attractive stepdaughter, Betty Jean. When Fred finds out that she will inherit $10,000 if she marries, he tries to fix it so that Lamont will marry her. However, Fred's plan backfires when Lamont catches on to his scheme.

Donna, Fred's fiancee, brings a patient, Osgood Wilcox over for dinner at the Sanford residence and it becomes apparent that Osgood is interested in more than just medical care from Donna. Meanwhile, Lamont encourages Fred to believe there is something going on between Osgood and Donna resulting in a confrontation.

Fred's toothache becomes an exercise in patience for Lamont when Fred refuses to see a dentist and instead tries Bubba's home remedy and a hypnotist. Finally, Fred decides to throw in the towel and visits a dentist but insists on a white dentist.

Fred gets a surprise one night when Lamont announces that he's having some friends over to play poker. However, Fred doesn't take Lamont's advice at "getting lost" since he's convinced Lamont's so-called friends are trying to hustle him out of his money.

One evening, Lamont and his friend Rollo go out. When they return they interrupt a robber trying to flee from the scene. Later they discover the crook dropped his gun and in an attempt to get some quick cash, decide to pawn it. However, once at the pawn shop, the broker mistakes Fred wanting money for the gun for a stickup.

Fred gets a new next door neighbor and is shocked to learn that he is Puerto Rican and planning on opening a junk business of his own. Fred gets upset about the competition and contrives a plan to get the city to condemn his property especially since, Julio has a pet goat.

Lamont pays $50 for an antique gun and brings it home to show Fred. Fred begins re-enacting war stories and accidentally pulls the trigger not knowing it's loaded. The blast shoots through the next door neighbor's window, who suddenly drops from site just after having a heated argument with Fred. Fred jumps to the conclusion that he killed him.

Lamont is fed up working with Fred and quits the partnership. He soon finds a job down the street at a rival junk collector's business. Meanwhile, Fred looks for another partner and finds one in Norman, whose first contribution is a stuffed bear.

Fred's old girlfriend Juanita stops by for dinner with her daughter, Alice. Lamont falls for Alice and thinks of asking for her hand in marriage. However, Juanita tells Fred that Alice is his daughter and Lamont is wining and dining his sister.

Fred and Lamont find a homeless bum sleeping in a bathtub in their yard. After trying to get him to move on, he pretends that he gets hurt on their property and threatens to sue. Fred and Lamont try everything in their power to persuade him not to sue and Fred does his best to try to prove the bum is not really injured.

Fred and Donna's on again off again relationship is back on and he invites her to dinner. Later, Fred gets a visit from a saleslady who peaks his interest and he blindly invites her to dinner, forgetting all about Donna. Thanks to Lamont's manipulations, he makes sure Fred has to juggle the dates around, keeping up appearances.

After Fred gets a minor injury from a car accident, Lamont and Fred seek to find a maid to help out around the house. After looking, they get what the agency has at the bottom of the barrel. However, the erratic white woman does nothing but add to Fred's pain.

Fred and Lamont have bills coming out of their ears and consider going on welfare, something Fred refuses to do. Fred comes up with a plan to throw a "big party" in the Sanford home and charge admission. That's when two hoods show wanting a part of the action. Meanwhile, Aunt Esther is trying to find a place to hold her weekly church group meetings.

Fred and Lamont take a tour through the NBC studios and Fred gets a kick out of seeing Johnny Carson's parking spot. However, what Fred really gets a kick out of is seeing Lena Horne's car and sneaks into her dressing room. After meeting her, he tries to trick her into visiting him at his home.

Lamont goes totally African. He starts to wear African clothing, and yearns to learn more about the culture. At the same time, Fred thinks that the whole thing is ridiculous, that is until a woman from Nigeria visits and explains to Lamont how sacred listening to your father is in African culture and how you should respect him.

Fred is up in arms when he discovers his neighbor, Julio's family is visiting and may move out to California. However, things really hit the fan when Fred learns that Lamont has asked Julio's sister, Maria out, something Fred is totally against.

Fred meets a young woman and he quickly announces to Lamont that he has proposed to her. However, Lamont is in for a big surprise when he meets Fred's fiancee who just happens to be Lamont's old flame, whom he would like to marry himself.

Next door neighbor, Julio, has become a very good friend of Lamont's. With Lamont, spending so much free time with Julio, Fred begins to feel left out and decides to try to be more like one of the guys. However, Fred quickly learns the advantages of having so much free time and no one to hoard in on it.

Lamont breaks the news to Fred that he plans to join the crew of a tramp steamer and sail around the world. A shocked Fred gets another shock, Lamont plans on putting him in a retirement home.

Lamont pays twenty bucks for a commode that he thinks is a valuable antique.

A 9 year old runaway child shows up on the Sanfords' property and Fred is against having any little kids around to cause problems but Fred quickly lightens up the young boy despite his gruff exterior. Fred then takes it upon himself to teach the kid to appreciate what he's got at home.

Lamont and Rollo answer an ad that promises them stardom through low-budget movies. Fred gets a hold of the brochure and decides to try out too. When they get down there they quickly discover the low budget movies are X-rated followed by a police raid and Fred, Lamont and Rollo are hauled off to jail.